We Are Deep In the Heart of Texas

Nomadic seasons of farming adventures with nature thrown in to include; a pinch of family, snippets of friends, counting our blessings, paying IT forward, home school, and the spicy things I decide to rant about.







Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Pookies Troubles: 9

They tell us what I know
Posted Oct-14-07 20:56:16 PDT Updated Oct-15-07 14:47:21 PDT
My daughter has had a bleed inside her brain. I know this because I was currently taking a biology class on brain development and pyschology. I read the book everyday out loud in her room. I am not sure why I am doing this but just following my heart.
It is New Year's Eve, we have never felt so alone or abandoned.
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We wait for the test and are told to go back to our hotel. I wait as my husband and son fall asleep. I am alone with the strange moon of a distant country. "How do these folks live like this?" I look out of the hotel's window. Fireworks are being lit; and I know she is awake. I know she is waiting for us. But, I also know they must sleep. I watch the night sky while taking turns of washing our clothes in the tub and hang them to dry. My hands are as raw as my heart.
I hang all the clothes and look for the vaseline. I have such dry, cracked skin some of the lines are starting to bleed and throb. I know she is afraid. She is alone with strangers.
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I try to put vaseline into the cracks of my hands. I can barely breathe, they hurt so much. My daughter is coming of a coma. Yet here I am; washing clothes in the tub on New Years Eve. I hear the fireworks. My life has changed so much in 9 days that I am beside myself.
I walk into the room my husband and first borne are sleeping. All I feel is the THUMP THUMP of my hands. I want my daughter back. I want to see her kicking azz at soccer and I all I can think about are my hands.
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"She is coming back, I know it from the depths that are me."
But I am stuck on my hands. The lines look cavernous. I can see red and pink. I wonder what did she see. I had taken a few gloves from her room. I use the bathroom one last time for the night. Wash them.............
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Then I relathered my hands with their angry lines and then I pull on the gloves. I hold my hands close to me and wonder is this how "SHE FELT" as her body betrayed her?
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THUMP THUMP
Posted Oct-14-07 21:51:21 PDT Updated Oct-15-07 10:26:22 PDT
THUMP, all night! I am awake on New Years Eve. I can not sleep. I can barely move because my hands are raw. THUMP THUMP THUMP, I can feel my heartbeat in them. I look for the water bottle but it is not there. Not in the bedroom or bathroom of the hotel. So, I get the key card and leave the room. THUMP THUMP THUMP
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I go to the elevator and push the down button. Maybe I can calm down outside. THUMP THUMP THUMP as the floors go by.
I go to the desk and ask them to let me out without locking me out. Mind you, I must have been a sight. I have hospital gloves on while wearing gym clothes. I was not a five star customer. I was a mother in pain.
They opened the doors and I went out. I sat down on the curb of the hotel. I don't know how long I sat there. I just sat there listening to THUMP THUMP THUMP. Then I heard a pish sound. One of the hotel staff came out with a box of stuff. He motioned to my hands..........THUMP THUMP THUMP
Thump thump thump....... He pulls the gloves off; which are filled with blood. He takes a spray and some type of medicine on a swab and cleans my hands.
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I can barely breathe. It feels as if he is cutting me with a dirty knife but I take deep breathes. He takes his time; cleans my hands; packs them and rewraps them. He gives me aspirin and water and asks me. "Will your daughter be okay?" Not in English but I understand him and nodded. He then picks up my elbow to lead be back to the elevator.
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I do not know his name. I know his face. He pushes the button and I go back to my room. I have a finger free to slide the card and I go in.
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I am so blessed. This country; its people want us to live..............I fall into a heap on the floor. I don't want to wake them. Silence comes peacefully
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I awake to my husband talking on the phone. Saenz is watching cartoons. It is 6 am and I am on fire. I hear him talking to the doctors. --She is moving and trying to speak.-- We need to go the hospital as soon as we can. She is moving out of ICU.
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However, I am on fire! My hands are not yet:. thumping, but I am sure I have an infection. Hubbby takes Saenz for breakfast and I am on the floor panting. They will be back soon. I get dressed and it feels like eternity. I am sweating on the bed when they get back; I am up and follow. I think I slept; my hands are starting to pulse. I look for aspirin...........and we get there.
He takes our son at a much faster pace than I can keep up with. I see the elevator doors close and sip water from my bottle. Then I feel the tell tale: Thump Thump!
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