They tell us what I know
Posted Oct-14-07 20:56:16 PDT Updated Oct-15-07 14:47:21 PDT
My daughter has had a bleed inside her brain. I know this because I was currently taking a biology class on brain development and pyschology. I read the book everyday out loud in her room. I am not sure why I am doing this but just following my heart.
It is New Year's Eve, we have never felt so alone or abandoned.
We wait for the test and are told to go back to our hotel. I wait as my husband and son fall asleep. I am alone with the strange moon of a distant country. "How do these folks live like this?" I look out of the hotel's window. Fireworks are being lit; and I know she is awake. I know she is waiting for us. But, I also know they must sleep. I watch the night sky while taking turns of washing our clothes in the tub and hang them to dry. My hands are as raw as my heart.
I hang all the clothes and look for the vaseline. I have such dry, cracked skin some of the lines are starting to bleed and throb. I know she is afraid. She is alone with strangers.
I try to put vaseline into the cracks of my hands. I can barely breathe, they hurt so much. My daughter is coming of a coma. Yet here I am; washing clothes in the tub on New Years Eve. I hear the fireworks. My life has changed so much in 9 days that I am beside myself.
I walk into the room my husband and first borne are sleeping. All I feel is the THUMP THUMP of my hands. I want my daughter back. I want to see her kicking azz at soccer and I all I can think about are my hands.
"She is coming back, I know it from the depths that are me."
But I am stuck on my hands. The lines look cavernous. I can see red and pink. I wonder what did she see. I had taken a few gloves from her room. I use the bathroom one last time for the night. Wash them.............
Then I relathered my hands with their angry lines and then I pull on the gloves. I hold my hands close to me and wonder is this how "SHE FELT" as her body betrayed her?
Posted Oct-14-07 21:51:21 PDT Updated Oct-15-07 10:26:22 PDT
THUMP, all night! I am awake on New Years Eve. I can not sleep. I can barely move because my hands are raw. THUMP THUMP THUMP, I can feel my heartbeat in them. I look for the water bottle but it is not there. Not in the bedroom or bathroom of the hotel. So, I get the key card and leave the room. THUMP THUMP THUMP
I go to the elevator and push the down button. Maybe I can calm down outside. THUMP THUMP THUMP as the floors go by.
I go to the desk and ask them to let me out without locking me out. Mind you, I must have been a sight. I have hospital gloves on while wearing gym clothes. I was not a five star customer. I was a mother in pain.
They opened the doors and I went out. I sat down on the curb of the hotel. I don't know how long I sat there. I just sat there listening to THUMP THUMP THUMP. Then I heard a pish sound. One of the hotel staff came out with a box of stuff. He motioned to my hands..........THUMP THUMP THUMP
Thump thump thump....... He pulls the gloves off; which are filled with blood. He takes a spray and some type of medicine on a swab and cleans my hands.
I can barely breathe. It feels as if he is cutting me with a dirty knife but I take deep breathes. He takes his time; cleans my hands; packs them and rewraps them. He gives me aspirin and water and asks me. "Will your daughter be okay?" Not in English but I understand him and nodded. He then picks up my elbow to lead be back to the elevator.
I do not know his name. I know his face. He pushes the button and I go back to my room. I have a finger free to slide the card and I go in.
I am so blessed. This country; its people want us to live..............I fall into a heap on the floor. I don't want to wake them. Silence comes peacefully
I awake to my husband talking on the phone. Saenz is watching cartoons. It is 6 am and I am on fire. I hear him talking to the doctors. --She is moving and trying to speak.-- We need to go the hospital as soon as we can. She is moving out of ICU.
However, I am on fire! My hands are not yet:. thumping, but I am sure I have an infection. Hubbby takes Saenz for breakfast and I am on the floor panting. They will be back soon. I get dressed and it feels like eternity. I am sweating on the bed when they get back; I am up and follow. I think I slept; my hands are starting to pulse. I look for aspirin...........and we get there.
He takes our son at a much faster pace than I can keep up with. I see the elevator doors close and sip water from my bottle. Then I feel the tell tale: Thump Thump!
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