Pookies Troubles: 3

Why I could not believe
Posted Sep-25-07 19:57:40 PDT Updated Oct-01-07 16:54:40 PDT
As I held her hand, I did not believe it was her time. I washed my hands and went back to her bed. I then picked up her left hand and breathed deeply. It was there too.
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I don't know if others reading here have ever experience this sensation. She smelled like impending death. It is a musky smell to the nose with the discounting of medicines. The odor was pouring out of her pours. So, I then leaned in close to her ear and whispered:
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"I am with you. I will get you back to your mom and family. Just keep trying my girl because I know you are listening. I do not give your permission to give up. You will not quit because I will never quit. Just lay here and here. I know you can hear me and I know you want to live.
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Remember we all love you. And happy 13th birthday my, baby girl. Besides Saenz wants you to beat him up again. He is scared as I know you are. Come back to us and we will get through this together. I love you. Everyone loves you. Just hold on."
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I told her that we were going for the night. We would return in the morning; Christmas Eve to celebrate.
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I left my daughter in the care of the hospital on San Miguel. I knew she would not die that night. I walked out in faith.
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I met my family minus one into the lobby. Saenz was over-charged on the moment. My husband was lost in this event. Luckily, we had our translator and we left the hospital to find our hotel. We have nothing but what I have packed in our bags. Only two bags but they will do.
We stopped at the only place serving food which was a mall. I allowed my son to run free because he was possessed with energy. I knew he needed release. I got him food and had him eat. I could only drink a diet soda. My hubby ate. I asked our guide; "will you be with us tomorrow." Saenz was zinging around the food court. And I waited to look around; I did not understand the language.
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Our guide said he will pick us up in the morning and we gathered up our son and left the only place that felt like home, America.
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I was so spent by time we checked in that I was drunk on hope. We went to our room and fell into bed. I don't know if I slept but then again I must have. I put my head on my pillow and prayed after setting our wakeup call.
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I know you are still with me baby girl.
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It is Christmas Eve
Posted Sep-25-07 21:18:45 PDT
Today is my husband's birthday. But, I have to keep the celebration quiet from my son. His sister is in a hospital and comatose.
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We speak about the mundane and decide not to celebrate because we have nothing. No money but a few coins. Our daughter is alone in a Portuguese hospital. I just want him to get milk for his morning. We walk to the elevators in silence to the "buffet" i.e. contential breakfast.
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We fill his sippy cups and look for things to keep him occupied until our "guide" arrives to take us to our daughter. I have a feeling of dread over her condition that I can not explain to my husband. I just told him our life will forever change today.
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I see our guide arrive and quietly I pack everything I could into my purse. It is going to be a long day.
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I AM AMERICAN!
Posted Sep-25-07 21:33:06 PDT Updated Oct-01-07 17:08:28 PDT
I have coins in my purse. I have my daughter in a foreign hospital. It is Christmas Eve. Where did everyone go?
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I watch my guide drive us to the hospital. I know she is alive, afraid and alone. No one seems to notice this fact but me. I feel her slipping away yet; the men talk.
We pull up to the hospital and get out after checking Saenz for accidents. Somehow, I do not want to enter. Our passports are in order. We have a few snacks for Little Brother but I sensed this day was different.
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We go in to this "large" hospital. And I look around. The parking lot is near empty because everyone is making ready for the holiday.
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Our guide is with us with his cell phone. Where is our safety net. Just where are the Americans here? I just want to shout: DO YOU HEAR ME? I AM AMERICAN? and alone without a safety net.
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We find the ward in which our daughter is kept. Only one parent is allowed in at a time. She is in ICU. Saenz was particularily whiney so, I stayed with him. My husband when in as I tried to see my daughter in her bed.
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I made up games and played with Saenz and we looked at Christmas decorations naming colors and shapes.. It felt like an enternity before my husband came out. Then the door opened.
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