We Are Deep In the Heart of Texas

Nomadic seasons of farming adventures with nature thrown in to include; a pinch of family, snippets of friends, counting our blessings, paying IT forward, home school, and the spicy things I decide to rant about.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Humility vs Humiliation, Discipline vs Chaos

After reading the responses to my last blog; I began thinking.

Am I person who practices humility or humiliation when dealing with folks as I lose my patience?  Not according to one definition of humility: politely submissive. My bravado to the public can not be described in this fashion but rather a chink in my armor.

Most from reading my last input would think I am a horrible tempered person however, I usually 'let stuff go' until it festers into a simmering volcano over lack of forward movement. Meaning, in 14 years of marriage when we argue it is because I have had enough, and basically vomit my displeasure into the open because I have been patient far too long. I just let things ride; awaiting the decision making process until, I cannot sit still or keep my ravenous maw closed.

Many years learning about myself and why I do things the way I do; I am left in shambles sometimes because I still feel like the child who's most admired person did not want me. I know I look like my father, their relationship was tumultuous and violent. The person I craved attention from the most used humiliation, neglect, violence, or scathing silence as a form of discipline. So now many years later I find myself wondering what kind of damage I am doing to my own children. I don't do the 'humiliation' tactic to bring them into my ideal of how a child should behave. However, I have yelled at them and this to me is humiliating and afterwards I apologize for my flaws, mistakes and methods.

So what does this have to do with thinking on one's feet, fore-seeing possible outcomes, or inner voice / role playing? Because this tool became another way I learned to compartmentalize so, I could survive in hostile environments without losing face and my soul.

Thank you all for commenting; you have taught me and given me more reasons to think, explore and learn.

Welcome to my blog: PJ, MOJO, and Jabacue.  I will be visiting your places of solitude later.


pj said...

Most from reading my last input would think I am a horrible tempered person

i find it pretty funny if truth be told and you quick quips can be seen as offending by some but then thats there problem because if they took the time to even bother getting to know you then they would learn that is how you are and its far from being offending, its how your sense of humour is, bloody hilarious roflmao
ps ps Love it
ps ps ps ROFLMAO

pj said...

i dont think there is anything wrong in discipline to a certain point

if people use humiliation to get their point across or as a form of punishment then the only one who will be humiliated is them.

yelling at a child is ok in my opinion as well if used appropriately.

my case being while at a supermarket checkout there was this mother who getting more frustrated with her child crying proceeded to shout at this child, "If you dont stop crying ill give you something to cry for" to which i turned around and asked her "do you really think that your child is going to stop crying after you smack your child, do you not think it would be best if you just simply ignore your child and not care what other people are thinking, your child will realise they are not getting any response from you and grow tired"

Jabacue said...

Hey, nobody has the 'right' answers. We are all forging ahead trying not to hurt things along the way. Sometimes we do....sometimes it has to be done. What do they call it....tough love.

Sharon said...

Hmm, you must think I am a bloody witch for having no patience - I don't DO anything about it. It just simply irritates me. You can tell when worker etc are mentally or physically challenged, it's the lazy ones, that don't want to be bothered to find something for you. those that butt in front of you when they can see you are having problems etc.

Did you see the show about people at the store that butted in because they just had a handful and then they called their partner with a heavily loaded cart? It was a study on how people reacted. Well, this has happened to me for real. Being a towering 5'2" doesn't help me a bit. I have said something, but, after all, if you yell in the store - you are the one they look at, not the pushy people.

Judy's Corner said...

Soooo....I think the original post was excellent -- thought provoking -- which is why I like to read others' posts.

Humility -- what you describe as how you "let stuff go" until you've just had enough... -- well, that's me too...but something I am ALSO learning is that when I say those words (or type them) I am proving to myself, I am NOT actually "letting it go"... rather, I am pushing it onto the "pile to justify my eventual response"...because, seriously, if I were letting it go, it would be forgotten and would not build up to that tipping point. So, when I "speak my mind" and the other person looks at me as if I am from another planet, I confirm in my mind that they had NO IDEA I was bothered by whatever it was I thought I was being so good about "overlooking" ... LOL ... these days I am trying to actually LET IT GO if it is not worthy of my reaction at that moment. Not easy, I might add.... of course, MUCH easier now that my children are grown... LOL!

Cat said...

I guess I come almost the other extreme, I do hold stuff in, but I try not to fight with anyone, even when I really should (i.e. doormat). I have been trying to realize this, and work on it, (it has been christened my "backbone transplant"). As far as your kids, I have the sneaking suspicion that since you are thinking about it, you are working on it, and let's face it, no parent is perfect. The fact you come back and try to make it right? You are working on your backbone, too. Just making it bend a little better, is all.


Nekkid Chicken said...

Hee Hee, You are saying PJ that my bark is worst than my bite? What if I haven't had my shots?

Hey Jabacue, I know what you say is true but --- that PC line we all walk is getting too damned ridiculous, you think?

Sharon No I don't think you really have a mean bone in your body.

Nekkid Chicken said...

LOL Judy, When I 'let go' I am not forgeting just vomiting --- once the air clears all is forgotten. Hope tha t makes sense. And this writing helps sometimes like when I wrote about my daughter's recovery; it healed some doubts I had about my own experiences inside that calm shell.

Nekkid Chicken said...

Welcome Cat, I really like your explanation. I am softened my backbone with temperance. Nice :O)

Chicken Boys said...

Oh, Hun, and am so with you on that. I was always the quiet, shy type. Not one to speak my voice, as I my have something to say that someone else may disagree with, even in simple matters. Even now, I don't like to choose where we get lunch from at work out of fear that someone else may not like where I choose. Silly? Maybe. But it has always mattered to me what others think of me. Don't know why...it just has. I did make strides in self-confidence when I joined the army. I had too many people telling me what to do, and often their decisions were opposites. So I learned how to be an "Army of One" and to stand up for decisions I made that I was convinced were right. Life is what it is. You do what you believe is the right thing, and you move on.

Texan said...

hey girly that was a good post, don't think anyone thought a negative thing about it one way or another.

I agree it made everyone kinda review, how are they.

It was a good post :O)