We Are Deep In the Heart of Texas

Nomadic seasons of farming adventures with nature thrown in to include; a pinch of family, snippets of friends, counting our blessings, paying IT forward, home school, and the spicy things I decide to rant about.







Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Do You Ever Not Fit Right In?

Seems I have felt like an outsider all my life.  I just am not a tactful person and never will be.   I recognize my trait and have learned to just shut up or walk away in situations where others believe they are right or justified.  Lets look at some areas of my relationships:

FAMILY

I am not a racist so, I was shunned for marrying Hispanic man with children. (He is only using you for a babysitter. Mexicans are so lazy.) 
I do not cotton to whiners about how terrible life is; I change myself to go forward. (Thus, I am labelled a snob - or She thinks she is too good.)
I refuse to subject my children to family situations in which, they are a target of biases. (IE no vacations to my childhood birth place.

MARRIAGE:

She is not my mother. (Step mom, horrible terrible creature.)
She is not hispanic. (White girl, not my daughter, doesn't speak the language, Has funny ways.)

WORKPLACE

I am loud and then to blurt out answers. (She is such a know it all.)
I do not bring home the workplace. (She doesn't participate in off duty activities.)

HOMESCHOOLING

I am uncomfortable being around folks, I have to edit myself around. (I am not a devout Christian but, do have spiritual beliefs.)
I feel like I don't know what I am doing. (totally feel like an unprofessional though I taught adults for 20 years.)

I am still trying to figure out things in life and never feel like I am a perfect fit with others.  It is hard for me to reach out and make friends so, I usually just stay home.  It has been almost three years since Joleen died of breast cancer and I am alone as ever.  I am just trying to figure out how to be a good but, wounded friend looking for a female friend with common interests.  I know in order to be a well-rounded person; I need people.  I don't know if that need is a validation thing or just the glimpse of feeling human.  Any ways, I digress and will self-reflect more later.......

9 comments:

Chicken Boys said...

Wow! You are a total bitch! Where's your scarlet "A"? LOL I always sorta fit in, but not totally. Do you know anything about elk? They have what they call satellite bulls. They are males that hang around, and mate with the cows when the big bull ain't looking. And they tend to wander from herd to herd, just sorta mingling. That's always how I was. I was the visitor the every little clique, but never welcome to the major events. Even the friends Mike and I have now probably wouldn't be my friends if it weren't for Mike. But I tend to be timid mostly. I rarely drink alcohol. Though I have had a glass of wine the last couple of nights. Mike speaks his mind, doesn't mind a good whiskey and coke. Well, you get the picture. I'm completely opposite of you, but I'm in the same boat! You gotta be a conformist. That, my friend, I am NOT. Guess you aren't either. Say la vie! I think that's how it's spelled. I know more Spanish than I do French.
~Randy

Sharon said...

Hmmm, you never fit in with your in-laws. That is a given. No matter what.

How come you are beating yourself up? Take it easy on yourself, hey! Everybody and I mean EVERYBODY has days where they feel like they don't belong!

{{{HUGS}}}

Theladywhotalkstorocks said...

I'm curious,,,
Where Exactly do you want to fit in at?
If I'm getting this right, sounds like an awful shitty place to want to be :)
You know me, LOL
I don't care, If you don't want to be in my little flightly make believe world, Then You just don't fit.
Good THING you totally fit in with my World!
lol
I'd be lost without the relics of HOE HEN INN!
Love You
MEOWWWWWW

Melodie said...

Oh Honey you worry too much! We are all different! I am a hermit and I have disowned most of my blood kin because didn't want my child exposed to them! I chose good and kind people to influence his life. You don't have to be a social butterfly to be a good person and good mom! As far as speaking your mind..that is good..to me the opposite would be well..a liar!
Every body is a little confused and overwhelmed when they start to homeschool...hang in there and you will find your way!YOu love your sons and you are a determined woman, you are going to be just fine!

polly's path said...

I think you are just dandy.
Chin up, sister.

Linda said...

Wow... now THAT I can relate too!

Aimee said...

we seem to have a lot in common. I've never gotten the whole tact-thing very well, either. I mostly don't give much of a rip what other people think (with a few exceptions) and then every once in a while I look around and wonder "why don't I have more friends?" It's a trade off, I guess. I'm freer than most people I know, but also more alone.
I also married a Mexican man, but in my case I was the one who already had a child. I had to put up with people's assumptions that he was marrying me for a green card. Well, I should say we had to put up with such assumptions. It always pissed him off worse than me.

Judy's Corner said...

Ha! I've been down this road before on the "fitting in" thing. Lord knows, I am not a "fitter-inner."

And having a close female best friend has always alluded me. I have friends, male and female and I truly enjoy their company and such, but I REALLY am a homebody... never cared for crowds, shopping, "make-up" parties, or anything of that nature.

Still, I fit in where it counts. I am OK with where I am and what I am doing...seems to "feel right"...So I wear overalls while everyone else is trying to squeeze into designer jeans...so what? I LIKE comfortable!

And, as far as the homeschooling, I'm not sure I would have had the confidence to do that for my children. I applaud you!

Now, keep enjoying everything you enjoy and stop worrying about "fitting in" to someone else's version of the "right fit." Your next best female friend will "happen" when the timing is right...'til then... well, you know, do what feels right. You'll do fine!

Texan said...

Hey girly when I put in my profile that my thinking is a bit of the beaten path ... I meant it.

I am not a social person, never have been, Oh I tried way early on before honeyman. Even then it was very hard for me. I tried to be what I thought girls were suppose to be, ugggg...I find I don't really enjoy being around a lot of people. I do much better on my own for the most part. I was a loner as was honeyman when we met. I am pretty sure it was a meant to be thing :O)...

I finally decided its okay to be me and girly its okay to be you...I do understand enjoying a girl friend, which I have had few of...I just don't usually fit in with most gals. Most of my friends as a kid were boys, not like boyfriends, but just friends.

I am not close to my family, that is putting it very nicely LOL, my grandparents that raised me most of my life have passed on. So honeyman is my world as you know. Sounds like you got a great guy and you guys have each other and your kids... Who the heck cares if anyone else gets it, agrees with it or likes it! ya I know tough talk, it took me years to get to this point. Hey and I know the whole MIL thing..whew.. I am not Italian, not Catholic and a few other things.. oh ya thats been fun .. um not...

Sometimes myself, I feel like I think so differently from others, I must be from another planet LOL...

I love the saying "be yourself everyone else is taken already" it took me many, many, many, years to get to where I am with myself!!! The hey I am an okay person ...