Saturday, June 26, 2010
Teenage Angst Is Approaching
How do I know this? Our Saenz shows flashes of defiance, moodiness, and has started sleeping in late. I look back to my growing up years and marvel at the differences in the relationship between my mother and I then, contrast how Saenz and I get along. Seriously, I have questioned is it just a gender role or a respect issue?
Here I must give credit to my husband. He works so, I may be a stay at home mom and teacher. Having two parents working together to raise children in the house makes a world of difference raising them. The man never can just be and is always doing something unless, there is a sports game on the tube which needs a loud masculine voice to add to the cathartic din in the universe. LOL (Tips hat here to my hubby in thanks.)
My mother and I never really got along as I was growing up. Why is simple... She had major anger issues and resorted to violence as did her own father. Another thing is feminine ways of dealing with pain were not allowed and were viewed as a sign of weakness. Nope; tears of anger, frustration, humiliation, pain or terror could not be displayed without added treat of violence. I remember the day I was able to swallow my feelings and not did show any outward emotions, it became the moment I cut the umbilical cord on our relationship.
(Note: I have forgiven her just not forgotten as an attempt at self preservation.)
One credit I do give to my mom is, I bottled all that anger and took it into the military where it was fashioned after many attempts into self discipline. Here I can honestly say thanks to Mom for instilling pure damn hate, disdain, and a willingness to go the extra mile in proving my family wrong about my becoming another welfare mother. Here I can smile because she actually gave me life by pushing me out of the nest.
Now onto Saenz, there is nothing more that I wanted than to have a child. I was told I would not be able to have children. Hubby and I practiced quite often. LOL But, I was going to go for fertility treatments when an ultra sound revealed I was 16 weeks pregnant with my baby man. Upon hearing his heartbeat and seeing his little finger BIRDING the technician as my belly was probed, we bonded forever. I love small acts of defiance by the way. LOL
Saenz if you ever want to know how much I love you. I hope one day you will bring your children back into our home because that completes the cycle of life. If you trust me and your father with your most precious children then we have done our job as parents. And while you feel angry or hurt, we are always here to guide your steps into manhood.